make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
