I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
