theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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