can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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