I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are the jesus of drinking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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