I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
