I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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