i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i will never coherently bang her
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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