im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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