my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
there is glitter all over my balls
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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