Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
