remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
