I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wear drunk well.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
