I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
