OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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