i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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