She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
