i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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