Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
