i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
