Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
