He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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