Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just invented taco cereal.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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