Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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