Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
