STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
