She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
