he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
