my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
