Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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