That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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