Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
