ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
