I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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