I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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