what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
