mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
