i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
