my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
