I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
