To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it hurts more in the daytime
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
