Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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