I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
