So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
