I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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