was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
