The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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