I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
