is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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