Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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