First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
