i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is my gift to your gina
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
