I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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