There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
