I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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