he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
