You really coming over, don't trick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
