you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
