Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
